Play Within A Play

I ran with a "Running Group" for the first time today. And. My belief was correct. Running in a group makes me run faster.
Running in a group makes me concentrate more on running.
Running in a group makes me control my breathing more.
Running in a group makes me ignore the pain in my lungs more.
Running in a group makes me makes me more aware of being careful not to put too distribute pressure more effectively so my ankles, or my hips, or my shoulders don't get sore from too much strain being placed on them. (Why? I don't want to fall behind)

None Of Us Want To Fall Behind.
None Of Us Want To Be Left Behind.

I'm scared of being left behind.
How did I build up the courage to join a "Running Group" then?
I ignore my fear.
I ignore my negative feelings.
I've trained myself over the years to stop pain from manifesting itself too large.
It's my defense technique.
As Dr. Arthur Janov (author of Primal Scream and the creator of Primal Therapy) points out: repression is a survival mechanism. When pain becomes too much and one feels one's survival is threatened the body, the mind, the individual blocks the pain. Endorphins, Hormones, Glands, Neurotransmitters, numerous physiological factors are involved.
I like that.
Physiological factors.
Logic.
I like that.
Feelings hurt.

I run with the "Running Group" because:
A. Body: I want to look good for girls.
B. Group Dynamic: The instinctive push to run or risk being left behind and dying (not held at surface concious I can assure you, but buried deep, where I am aware of the truth of the feeling but not letting it interfere in my immediate present)
C. Girls: There's the chance to meet girls.
D. Friends: Maybe. I'll meet someone I like to spend time with. Guy or Girl. A real friend. Like in the stories. I don't know what that's like. I really don't.

Play Within A Play

Steel.
17 years old.
Steel was a runner in my Grade 12 Spanish class.
Nice guy.
Not as good looking as me, which made me like him even more (there were cute girls in class which I, as a competing male, always had in view in my peripheral vision).
Steel ran well.
I ran too.
Not as well.
The girls liked Steel.
They admired how well he ran.
I admired him too.
It's tough to run fast and far.
He was on another level from me.
My jealousy choked me.
I just watched for the year.
Watched and knew that he was popular, part of a social class, which I, was out of.

But.
The thought came to me.
Steel in Europe.
Traveling with his university track team.
Intl' competition.
No way he's as fast as Intl' runners.
Canadians just aren't as a rule.
There he won't be the best.
There he will have to change his behavior, his stance, his projection of himself to others.
Will the girls still like him?
If I know Steel, he would probably have stuck with the Canadian girls who would have come to the meet too.
Isolated.
They would have probably just hung out with each other.
Hah.
I wouldn't have.
I feel comfortable around new people.
I can detach myself hierarchy.
Why?
Because I've never felt in one before.
Steel would have found himself in a "Hierarchy within a Hierarchy."

I'm reminded of what Selena's father said to her in the movie Selena:

"I'm proud of you. The boundaries that exist against a Mexican singer succeeding in America are almost impossible to overcome. But maybe, maybe for you, they don't exist. You're special Selena."

It's easy to overcome boundaries when for you they don't exist.

Well...
Regardless.
I say this to my old classmate Steel, "Steel my friend, you are a part of my memories, and I'm grateful for that."

My First Entry

This was my first entry.
Writing for a blog community is like running with a running group. One performs better when one knows others are there.